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I am getting that feeling, the one that Kareena Kapoor got in Jab We Met ( I feel very filmy right now!) … that feeling that my train is going to leave and if i dont hurry right now, it will be too late.
Unfortunately the feeling that I am getting is an offshoot of the same, just a little more sadder …. mine is - that I have already missed by train and there is no way I can catch it…. no chance …. no Cute/ rich/ humrous/ adorable Sahid Kapoor … to rescue me in his all new Merc …. no no no
Misery Misery Misery
The train has gone and I am left stranded here, freezing under the AC shaft, wiping my running nose … drinking cups tea … shivering like a fool
Oh well… I think the end is near! …
Where is that dazzling smile that I am known for ??
Where is the fun fun!?
Where is the insane crazy abundance??
And where the hell is the wohhoooo yeyyyyyy feeling ???
I dont feel it anymore…
I want my train back. I couldnt have missed it.
Sign. . .
There is something about me that I now know for sure.
A reality that stares at me now, the word is Hypocrite
I am all talk, all high flying mighty talk!
and when it comes to doing, i do no harm. I bend, i am flexible, i adapt.
In my actions, there is none of that I WILL NOT BEND (cause i always do), I will NOT dither from my path (cause i always do) I WILL prevail (i never do)
Sob!
I feel miserable!!
Sob SOb
Its feels like my last September as a kid.
I dont want to imagine/ think what it will be like next year. (My mom does that)
I am growing up (Why oh Why oh Why???!!!!) and i am being forced into adulthood and i shall not go calmly, i shall go down kicking and screaming.
You like it or not!
Yes i had a lot of things to say about the great Indian Arranged Marriage … Two posts, my very strong opinions, and of course my “I will not get into an arranged marriage” monologue.
And now as i go through the drill, and i have my very nice parents to deal with, i realise, that for them it is too important, it is essentail, it is of paramount concern and they can not let go of this idea.
Its depressing, its annoying, its frustrating and ofcourse its heart breaking to see them try so hard.
Conversations are pretty much, shouting matches, it amazes me how my point of view is irrelevant.
Is it a trailer of what life will be if i give in now…??
I will be my husbands wife and we will have our opnion and not really individual ones?
What the hell about love?
Are there just compromises in life?
We do eventually do let go of our ideals?
We have to bow down the needs of society/ parents?
The answers …. are few and there are just a lot more questions… – Are you strong enough to fight? Are you willing to stand up for yourself? Are you willing to see your dad’s face crumble, when you tell him,this is really not what i want? Are you ready to let go of career? Search for love?? Are you willing to make puris and matar paneer on weekends ?
Are you going to for once in your fucking life do exactly what you want or are you going to go down as a certain Mrs for a random Mr Yash?
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