I have hunted and I have searched like a dog on a chase. I have set a goal and gone after it like NASA. I have searched (to the extent of being obsessive) like Gholum in the Lord of the Rings. I have scanned malls, street shops, posh shops, brands and any shop in the vicinity … any vicinity ! 

But i fail to find a shoe that I like.

The search started in Connaught Place - I checked Bata, Reebok, Nike, Sundry other shops. The Select Citywalk Mall in Saket - all brands from Mango, Van Husen, blah blah. To Amby Mall Gurgaon - Highly highly priced shoes with no substance. Shoe Tree. Khan Market. South EX . Woodland. GK 2 market … You name it … I have been there.

I still havent found it… Its insanity… All I need is a formal pair and an everyday pair … thats all!! 

So after the crazy walking in and walking out of shops … I have come to a conclusion that I aint going to find one … not here … definately not in this country …

So why cant i get a customised shoe made? A place where all I need to do is log on, select the material, design, colour, stitches, heels, pointed/ non pointed, with/ without the back strap, pencil heel, flats, whatever and give my shoe size.

They then deliver a dummy shoe … I try it on obsess over it make some more changes and say my okay … and in a 30 day time period … vola!!! I have a shoe that fits well, looks and feels like the shoe that I want and is the one and only of its kind :D !!!! Hmmmm … And it will be called My Kinda Shoe (Mera Wala Joota) !! lol …

I love my girlfriends. We bitch. We talk. We laugh loudly. We sniff a few tears once in a while. We drink coffee. Eat. Crib of lack of men (ofcourse). Obsess about my weight. (yup mine only!) Check out other women… Balantly scrutinise them … and then talk really loudly about them. We shamelessly sit in coffee houses for hours and yap and yap

Met two of my dear girly friends at Khan Market, Cafe Coffee Day. They are adorable … One is the sensible chic who knows everything. Makes most of the right decisions. Knows everyone and is the one most likely to fall in love bollywood style and marry in a week of knowing a guy. The other darling is a crazy ex model … who just cant seem to get over her boss … she keeps loving him and he keeps remaining married…. She is full on… on confidence and attitude … and i absolutely love her sense of live life king size

We met after a long time today and with 2 hours of constant yap yap … I was more than ready to take the world with arms wide open…

Every problem that I had was too trivial … I was never at fault … I had always done the right thing … I had completely given it my best shot … I had done more than my share … I was an adorable girl … just wrong place wrong time….

 I was at a safe place … It was a girl place … It was nice … warm … caring …. and felt like that shower that you take after a crazy day of sweating

It was my refreshing dose … that will keep me going for a while … untill we meet again … to do our same thing …. Love u girls !!

I got to go golfing !!! All thanks to daddy dearest.. who gets to work his ass off 365 days a year … so that his darling daughter can have all the comforts of the world.

Golf being one of the elite games of the society that hardly everyone gets to enjoy. I had the good good fortune and absolutely unbelievable pleading skills that got me the opportunity to play golf this weekend.

I had been anticipating it for months!! The greens the holding of the club, the teeing off and of course the admiring glances of the cute hunks (Am I that predictable???!! and delusional ?? lol )

So well when dad finally let me come along for a golf trip … I was excited!! Exuberant!!! And totally pumped up… And ofcourse my joy knew no bounds (are we writing a school essay here?)

Well we went there on a nice sunday morning, the place, the prestigious Delhi Golf Club was already teeming with golfers. There were the oldies, the young kids and of course the cute ones!!! The place was quite flooded at 11:30 on a Sunday morning… And ofcourse the ladies … the moms, the girlfriends and the wives .. were looking ravishing (no surprise)

It was my first time at golfing and like every firsts I made an absolute complete fool of myself ….

Ofcourse I couldn’t hold the club well .. didn’t bend my leg the right way … my butt wasn’t out enough …. my swing was too swingy … my aim was too lanky …. I had no patience with the ball and my constant checking out of the cuteys was totally not acceptable ! ( ghosh!)

I teed about 50 odd balls in all direction and obviously none in the one intended … My shirt flew when I swung too hard and by gods grace the club didn’t slip from my sweating hand and give some one a tight wrap on the skull

To be completely honest if it wasn’t for the eye candies that were walking around …and my bosses obsession for the game I would probably skip it cause you not only require a lot of patience but also sweat glands that don’t sweat all that much 

A thought did strike me while teeing my 16 or 17 ball (about golf ofcourse! not cuteys) that this game is really like the hunting of old times … that the royals used to do. Hunting basically where the Maharajas with their plethora of soldiers and royal people used to mount on elephants and go on excursions for days together … sometimes coming back with no kill at all and at times a tiger or two.

Basically it used to be a thoroughly useless exercise which was done just to show off and spend resources on absolutely non productive exercise …. Golfing fits the bill to the tee … I mean there is a stick, a ball and a hole. All day you need to try and put the ball in a hole and basically walk around in the greens …. atleast of what I saw nobody cared about the game. There were people networking more than teeing off … they were busy saying HI and smiling than sweating it out …

And the whole concept that while a cabby trudges around carrying your load you stand there and tee off and then get zoomed off to the other location in a golf cart! Is crazy cause what do u do really? Burn probably some .000001 ounce of calorie in a year!! Ghosh the hypocrisy!! Can we run? Jog? Shout out and pump our fist in the air? Can we be a little less refined??

But with all my criticism  … I am all pumped up to go there again … and play it like a pro … bend my knee the right way … butt out a certain way … swing like a champ and flash that pearly white when the ball goes in an absolutely insane direction and ….. oh yeah …. Concentrate on the game a bit more than the dandy candy !

Tee hehe to that!

I have an obsession … and all week all I can think about is this particular activity……

…while sitting in office … I am thinking of the one hour I will spend with this guy.

Ya … this guy he has the ability to make me sweat … and not just sweat but really sweat!!! 

He is too good… he has me gasping for air …
he has me wanting more….

wanting it but not wanting it….

He starts me off with the usual routine of 20 crunches in a minute, 180 punches in a minute and three minute of intense jogging…   Then there are the 20 kicks in the air from your left feet and 20 from your right … there is the back kicks, the front round kicks … the insane leg bending exercise that I cant seem to do And the absolutely insane tummy crunches that have me wincing and crying out in pain …

…but I still do it … it’s that pain that I like to experience…

My kickboxing class is a prayer … its meditative … and the most satisfying one hour that I have in a day

Eeeeeeeeha!

Delhi is me.
I am Delhi.
I have lived here all my life …
I have hated Delhi, loved Delhi, loathed Delhi.

I have grown up here, fell in love here, grown fat here, jogged here, lied here, lived here and wasted time here.

To be honest I havent given back to the city that has moulded me into who i am now.

And now as summers approach … i feel a tad bit sad … that the cousy winters have gone away a bit too quickly … and now the sticky, sweaty, lazy, sunny days are here (Not that lazy changes …. come winter… summer …spring ….

How do Delhites cope with the summer heat?

When the sweat becomes unbearable, we drive around in our AC cars … the fan does not cool us enough … so we switch on our split AC’s
… we drink Rooh Afza with ice cubes … lemonade with crushed ice … we suck on Chuski available by the roadside in different flavours of Khas, Masala, Rose ….

We try to find a shady tree while out in the city … shield our eyes from the sun and pull our very expensive goggles on

… we talk and we talk … sipping our ice teas… we disscuss ideas or we simply vile away our time

Delhi is harsh in summers
Its harsher in winters

Delhi blows hot .. blows cold …

Delhi is like an unpredictable girl friend … she will keep u on your toes … you will never know what she will do next

Delhi O Delhi ~

Okay there is something about me and jobs. Whatever I take up, I start to detest it after a few months. I hated my first job and now my new job, that is not so new … is reaching that ’I hate this job’ phase.

Obviously the hum de dum of my job has creeped in.

The Oh my god! phase is over … where everything was a Oh my god!

The office is so huge ! Oh my god! …. The canteen serves good food! Oh my god! … The men are drool worthy ! Oh my god! … They are giving me free Internet connection ! Oh my god! …. They have a costa in the same complex!!?? OH MY GOD!

etc etc etc etc

Why does this happen? When and why eventually does this ‘Oh well’ stage creep in?

Why is there this mind numbing boredom slowly creeping on me?

Am i incapable of sustaining anything? Am i going to not like every job i take ? Am I going to crib all my life?

Where are you when I need you with some answers?

The World Economic Forum 2008, has come up with its annual ‘Travel and Tourism Competitiveness Report 2008′. This report measures the T&T (Travel and Tourism) competitiveness of economies, by using an index called the Travel and Tourism Competitiveness Index (TTCI). The TTCI measures each economy on the following criterion -

Rules and regulations of an economy, how environmentally friendly the economy is, the safety and security an economy provides to its travelers, air transport, tourism infrastructure, natural resources, cultural resources and few others. In total there are about 14 criterion where in an economy is measured.

India ranks a lousy 65. Switzerland comes in 1 and Lesotho is a 130.

India at 65 is something that makes me sad. The recent rapes, murders, thefts have propelled India in the list of countries that are not safe for tourists. UK, US, Canada and Australia have issued warnings to its citizens about visiting India. We are the dreaded country for tourists. Tourists should be extremely careful while visiting India. At every corner in India there is a supposed thief, rapist and murderer, lurking to pounce on well-meaning tourists.

Forget the cultural delight that India has to offer, its historical monuments, different communities living as one, the ever welcoming people, the easy weather and abundance to explore in terms of food, places, clothes and oh-my-god what not!

Please overlook all that.                                                   

All this and more gets ignored as tourists high on drugs and booze, walking aimless on the beach unescorted fall prey to Indian lechers.

Am I being harsh? … hell yes! Cause when i visit a foreign country I read up on the place and take as much precaution as possible and not willingly walk into danger.

India can’t provide a safe haven for drug and alcohol abusers. Period.

Am I disappointed about the ranking? Absolutely not!

All I am saying is there is more to India …. which will probably be overlooked as there is too much of dirt that is floating around about my country.

Angels in my Kitchen is one of my favourite places to eat out. It is situated in the Defence colony market of Delhi and houses the most sumptuous cakes, buns, croissants, veg platter (please stop me!) , chocolate brownie, coffee, eggs platter , smoked vegetables, salads …

hmmmm and what not !

I have already recommended it to everyone i know and more than happily taken them there and waited for their gushing reviews about the place, while i smile my ya-i-know smile

The decor of the place is very simple and practical, there are no flowing curtains, no cushy sofas, not even a jazzy wall paint. The place does not pretend to be a lounge (like every second place in Delhi is doing) and is a we-serve-food-here kinda place, with no frills attached.

I discovered it, a year back and since then i have had numerous breakfasts, lunches and coffees at Angels.

I again had the good fortune to share this place with two people last weekend … S and D. Now S and D are insane. Insane is not even close to how insanely insane they are. We had planned to meet for breakfast and S and D obviously turned up late, for a change i wasnt fuming as i had my yum yum hot chocolate to keep me company. 

Conversation with these two just flows … its smooth, no pretence kind of a conversation that is speckled with funny anecdotes and insane ideas. Craziness started with me clicking a picture of these guys and then showing it to them. That was the start of an insane debate called ‘My shoulders are broader than yours’. We then went on to measure each shoulder length with the available cutlery. Then there was the boob story that will be another post. I probably havent laughed that hard at breakfast.

Top it all at my favourite place - Angles in my Kitchen. That was probably the best breakfast that i have had in a while.

The excruciating pain … when your existence depends on an email

Keep pressing refresh … wondering what is taking so long

Is the AC not working? Why cant i hum my favourite song?

Send myself an email to check if all is well with my inbox

The email gets duly delivered… sits there and mocks

Refresh Refresh

Sweat … sweat a bit more

Tapping of my feet

… that extra cup of coffee

Refresh Refresh Refresh Refresh

Refresh !!!!!!

The endless wait into oblivion

Tap Tap Tap Tap

There have been countless instances, where i have done things that i have not wanted to do. Instances where i have regretted wasting my time, just because i could not … simply say no.

I think my constant desire to be liked by everyone, to be accepted and the fear of being left alone has driven me to become a ‘Yes’ woman. Its just ad nauseam.

Well i have decided that from now on, if i don’t want to do it, it is a crisp … No and ofcourse with no explanation attached, trying to cover my curt reply.

Hell i don’t want to do it. Period.

Few of the instances where i had wanted to say No, but pathetically chickened out.

 …. ….. tsch tsch … …. anyway here goes … …

• Meeting my ex, when he called and wanted to meet and for what reason? Just like that.
• Lunching with my girl friend and discussing how to convince her mom and dad to let her marry her bf for the nth time
• Be an agony aunt to people who just come to you, when they need a shoulder to cry on
• Bought that sweater that i thought i was compeled to buy just because i spent an hour in that store and the sales girl was super friendly
• All the booty calls at 12 in the night in name of Love (Eeww) (What the hell was I thinking?!)
• Helped out that colleague knowing that i was hard pressed for time … though she begged me for it (I need to be cruel!)
• Have coffee with a lonely soul in office just because he asked (?? i baffle my self)

Damn this list is going to just go on and on.

Hopefully me eager beaver will simmer down and learn to say no when i am seriously, desperately and most definitely wanting to.

No

No

No

:)                                                       NO!

My trip to Leh, happened a year back. I am still hung over that trip and all i can do is sit in Delhi and dream about an almost heaven on earth - Leh.

I would love to go back and experience the serenity that surrounds those beautiful rocky mountains. The landscape decked with absolutely flawless blue sky. The happy peaceful faces that greet you in the market place. And in some places the landscape that is absolutely devoid of any human existence for miles and miles.

There are places in Leh that don’t have even a single person… you can look in every direction (and i am serious here) and you will not find a single soul. Stand there… do a 360 degree turn around and wait …. wait for hours and you will not see anyone !!!

It used to be our jeep and the rocky terrain… and that’s all. The silence and the vastness of the place is what i am amazed with …. cause i have lived in a metro for so long that the vizzing past of traffic is a very natural sound and the honks and the screeching of tyres are as obvious as the existence of oxygen.

In Leh, we visited a few monasteries and it baffled me …. the coldness of the place…  the air seeped in histroy …. you can almost feel the prayers of the buddhist monks on your skin. The quite …  the stillness …  the rocky mountains … the monastries … the dusty roads …

Leh is calling me back … I need to pack my bags ……

Its the about the chase, my boy

Go ahead and ask her out … she might just say yes
And that will just lead to a lot more mess

Don’t you just sit around and mope and test
Just take the damn plunge and get infected by the love fest

My boy … you analyze too much
Please go and make the first touch

Take her out for a cappuccino
Do the salsa … do the Latino

Maybe a Long Island tea
And maybe that walk by the sea

You think when you get her its going to be all rosy?
Don’t know about that, but definitely a lot more cozy!

The coffee at Costa Coffee is nothing less than an addiction. It creeps up on you as the Winter Rain and rakes havoc in your brain dead existence. Once had, the coffee not only becomes a constant craving but a propeller of sorts.

 You start to associate success with Costa Coffee and if you don’t have it in the morning … you know its going to be a bad day, full not only of disappointments but also more craving and of-course more distractions.

Its a fuel which has to be taken every morning and in the right quantity (mine being primo). The cups of-course are a pleasure to hold and the cookies have the feel of, home made mommy goodness. 

Other coffee machines look like cheap imitations and even the thought of coffee from some other place is repulsive. Costa is my current mistress and I am very happy burning money on her, every morning 365 days in a year.

Is this how addictions are born? Well i am knee deep into it.

I love tennis.

And now I love it more and MORE !! It is because of my latest sweety.. Jo-Wilfried Tsonga !! YEY Jo-Wilfried Tsonga !! Go Tsonga !! Hey you hot stuff!!!

He is the cutest most adorable most understated 22 year old tennis player…

Why cant we have yummy things like him in my neighbourhood? !!

So what if he is two years younger than me ?!

Go Tsonga !! Boy i am rooting for you !! You are going to win it ! 

You can ogle at Tsonga boy here  - http://frenchballs.loco-web.com/tsonga/page_photos.htm 

Just dont drool too much … You will wet your keyboard.

Life is good!!

Its either me … or its the world that is fucked up in the head !

I seriously can’t deal with people and their idiocies … three instances in a span of 2 hours, had my blood boiling and me just ready to claw any one who dared to ask me what is wrong with you girl?

Instance 1 - I am standing at the Vodaphone bill payment shop in CP… all is well … people are taking their time to count their money and i mean a lot of time to count … to recount and count again…. to re re assure themselves
… i still haven’t lost it …even after the sweeper dusts the CP dust in my face and hair …. i don’t react though i am reaching that danger zone

One Bihari uncle (i am NOT a regional racist … but he was Bihari!) … he comes up stands behind me … a little to close (why was i surprised … or am i just paranoid??) .. is chewing a paan and counting his notes … he then after making his presence felt with his shuffling of feet and chewing noises ….. suggests that i move inside the shop which is already flooded with people … I choose to ignore it …. says it again ….. me ignoring …cause i know i will just blast the hell off him with my verbal bashing ….

The man has guts … he suggests it again …. and that my friend was IT! ….you have pressed the wrong button !!

I start off with …  rattling all kinds of stuff like …who are u to tell me …too its to crowded .. do u need specs to see that ?? what nonsense …. and blah blah and blah

Can’t even remember half of the things !!

The conversation ends with bihari crackpot telling me - ”chup raheya” (Be quite) 

and me telling him - “app phele chup raheye” (You be quite first)

And then we stand in silence me just wanting to strangle the hell out of this random man

That gets me thinking …why ?? why the hell i reacted that way ?? I could have reasoned it out with him and told him that bhaisaab (brother) its too crowded and i am not walking into that crowd. 

Am i that intolerant ? People who don’t adhere to social norms … are bound to get a verbal bashing from me?  Why can i not just IGNORE these nincompoops ? Do i think that i  am above a lot of people and that’s why i react the way i react?

Its tiring …just thinking about it ………… well i have decided to pay my phone bill on-line now … it ain’t worth it……… this interaction with people on the streets, who are bound to stand a little to close to you and are bound to talk to you for no reason and are (the most baffling one) bound to give you suggestions (??) on how to go about your business

Kab sudheregay mera desh (When will my country learn)

I have nothing against public transport and I have absolutely nothing against people in general. But when the two mix it’s a combination that makes me squirm. I still think 4 - 5 times before hopping into a DTC (Delhi Transport Corporation) bus or a Blue Line (the private bus operators) for that matter. If I do travel in a bus, it would probably be more of a last resort.

There are many instances that have cemented my opinion about public transport in India, but there is one that stands out. It’s a glaring example that refuses to fade away in the dust of memory. It has become an encounter that I and my friends laugh about.

It happened when, I (unsuspecting soul, as usual) was traveling in a bus on a nice sunny Saturday morning. It was around 11:30 – 12 and for some reason I was actually enjoying this particular ride. 

But as is with good moments, they last a precious few seconds. My pleasant ride also lasted about 1-2 minutes. The bus had stopped at a particularly crowded stop and people had piled in, anxious to get to their destination. They were like peas in a pod, though a tad bit haphazard. People were standing neck to neck and I thanked god at that point, that I had grabbed a seat before it was too late. 

Just as I had said my “thank you bhagu” (bhagu being short for bhawagan/ God) there came a pleasant looking lady, dressed in a saree and stood right next to me. I say pleasant because, she had a very rural look about her, all smiles, all motherly, all loving and all encompassing and straight out of some Haryanvi village.

She was a little on the hefty side and had a huge huge (!!) tummy … I was reminded of Sethanis/ Halwai’s helwain, the type of women whose lives revolve around the kitchen, their husband and what the neighbors are up to. Her saree was hardly covering her. (It happens to people, who have become really comfortable with their saree and are a bit old and really don’t care if their assets are being ogled at).

So her huge tummy which was also quite bare was at my shoulder level. (Bare for the simple reason that saree does not cover the midriff).

As the rickety bus maneuvered on busy Delhi roads, picking up passengers, the ladies tummy came closer to my shoulder.

After few stops it was comfortably resting on my shoulder. An inch or more of it had nestled there and was quite comfortable with that arrangement. It had found its comfort zone and a support system, to uplift it… as gravity was doing its job well.

So there I was stuck in a crowded bus, a tummy on my shoulder; my stop a good 30 minutes away and a lady who refused to acknowledge the fact that my shoulder space was being violated. (Hello!! It was on me!)

As the tummy stayed comfortably nestled on my shoulder I vowed never to travel in busses and not grab the aisle seat the next time. I also vowed that I will pay ten times more and take an Auto Rikshaw and I prayed (oh god I prayed!) that the bus doesn’t get more crowded lest the tummy reaches my cheek.

Ewwwwww!!! Ewwwwww!!! Ewwwwww!!! Ewwwwww!!! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

Bhagu !! Where were you when I needed you?

I am sure you were too busy chuckling away to shoulder this problem!!

I came up with this theory after repeated examples in my life that have gone on to illustrate that i tend to crave for things that are out of reach.

It started the day i gave away my toys to my cousins. Toys that were till now lying in a cardboard box under my bed, toys that i had not bothered to think about for years.

And now that they were gone and nicely placed near my cousins bedside. I couldn’t help to envy the little girl and miss my sweet, adorable (?) toys. The sunny afternoons that i had spent playing with them in the grass, came flashing by and there was an ache in my heart (ghosh!) that could be filled up only by reclaiming these toys.

Whenever i visited their house, my eyes used to search for those inane toys and as soon as i found them i had that insane urge to pocket them and run as fast as my pudgy feet could carry me and then probably dump them back in the cardboard box, in which they rightfully belonged.

Same with men, after doing the dumping drama with my current flame, i craved for that nincompoop.

Why is it that we crave for inane objects that we know are seriously of no use to us after we do acquire them.

• Is it our gatherer instinct at work?
• Or is it greed at its best?
• Or is it just that things that were lost from our purview and now suddenly are in our line of sight that we start encountering the “good” feelings that we had with these, more and the rest of our logical thinking tends to shut off.

Or is it just the ” I want exactly what i can’t have ” theory at its best, with no serious logical explanations to it.

One of THE most interesting book stores that i have come across. It does not boast of the wooden floor (Full Circle in Khan Market), the Chai Bar (Oxford in Connaught Place), the easy in and out of the Bahari Sons (In khan Market) or comforts like air conditioning, benches, sofas, nice wall paintings or even the tinkling of a wind chime when you enter the shop.

This bookstore does not try to make you comfortable nor does it want to. Its just business here, name your book and if they have it - they tell you the price, or you keep moving and do not loiter around too much cause you might just get hit by a car.

Yes hit by a car . This book store my friend is on the corner of a street and its no uncommon street its a very common street with heavy traffic flow. You have to dodge traffic to figure while looking for your book. Dont get too enamored by the stock of books, dont get too in awe.

All this book store has is arrays and arrays of books stacked from the floor to the ceiling, with three people manning it.

Why i like this bookstore?

Its different! Its on the street! and all the books that i have asked for are available!! From fiction to non fiction to long forgotten books. I like the openness that this bookstore has. The all are invited feel. The absolutely crazy location it has.

Have a look your self and if you are in Delhi then drop by! Its right next to PVR Plaza, CP, Delhi.

 Few pictures below…..

Cars zoom by as you look at the pile of books. Cross the road and you can have a better look !!

 Indian man (touching himself) next to the book store. No i had no intentions of clicking that particualr pose, but this man just at that moment had to check if all was okay down there….

Ghosh Indian Men! … anyway thats another post !!

What is an earthquake?… but a little nudge from god… to say your prayers.

Delhi was hit by an earthquake at 4:43 am (by my watch), November 26, 2007. It was bang in the middle of my sleep regime and an hour before I would have got up to shut my alarm and gone back to sleep.

It was scary, to start with. I got up with a jolt and said “oh god” and then repeatedly oh gods followed ….

I sat on my bed and the dog that I have been dog sitting for the weekend, hid under the bed startled and didn’t respond to me after calling him repeatedly. I think he thought I had kicked him of the bed or something. Poor baby.

Few “key” points to note when the earthquake stuck

• Out of the ten friends that i smsed, to find out if they were doing all-right, only one actually bothered to run outside her house, the rest of them, including me … overcame our fear of being buried alive and snuggled back in our blankets.

• I prayed in English?! What happened to Hindi, my mother tongue? I am quite surprised…

• I could hear the approaching of the earthquake, the rumbling before it actually hit and the bed started shaking

• Our house didn’t collapse, (surprising and thank you god…love u! loads) though it is a British bungalow, built some 60 years back or more !

• I snuggled back in my blanket after doing the oh my gods and waited for the roof to fall on me. (How lazy can I get)

• For some freaky reason I had a picture of the rescue operation that would go on after the roof fell on me and of course I was being pulled out of the rubble, unscrathched

• My dog became angry with me and went under the bed and didn’t speak to me all morning… (what did I do?)

For the last 4 months i have not been working. I had quit my job on a whimp and chose to stay at home. Trying to figure out what i want and how i want it. I was unsure of how to take my life forward and in which direction.

I did not do all the things like travel, join a hobby class, learn pottery or learn a language. Instead what i did was sit at home, flip channels, cook once in a while, bake cakes and cookies, write on wordpress, go jogging, meet friends over lunch/ dinner, travel (not extensively though) and think. Think a lot and THE most important one - just be.

The first month after my job quit was spent meeting, going out etc etc and i was for some reason restless, nothing was making me happy and i was at my sarci best!
i felt that there was not a substantial reason for me to do anything, yes my worth as a person was in the pits!
The world was a dark dark place… it was unhappy and it was empty also the best time for my writing.
I started my volunteering job again and taught … the thing that did get me out of the rut was internalising all the blame that i was putting on everyone else. The unhappiness and depression that i was going through seemed so BIG!
Over time and with a ton of introspection, everything seemed trivial

I thought over all the things that were staring at my face and the ones that i was refusing to acknowledge as my faults. Once i accepted them as my own faults and short comings, they were out of my system and not my worry anymore. Yes i was the incompetent nincompoop and i was trying to deal with it. I didnt have to shoulder anything. Damn it ! i am too young!!

And as my god works in magical ways, things started looking up!!! ya ya now it all sounds easy … but it was hell trust me !
And surprise surprise … i got a call two days back and i have THE job, that i wanted, the one that i was lusting after for a while !!

All i can do right now is thank the one above (God and the CEO of the company) and try to do my best the second time around.
And hopefully do this job without groaning about the work or falling hopelessly for some guy ( ya that happened the last time i started working)
So a newer improved version of me goes out in the corporate world once again, to take few punches and a lot more bouquets!
yeyy!!
yeyy!!

 “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” 

And thus spoke the great Mark Twain. I had read this quote a few years back in the prospectus of the Indian School of Business (ISB). It was inspiring and a tad bit depressing at the same time. Depressing? Yes! Cause if i look back, i see all the risks that i did not take and they come glaring back at me.

The ones when i did not let go, just to be on the safer side and did not throw away my bowlines

But then i say to myself … oh come on that was in the past … now will be different and i shall take all those risks that come looking me up. This lasts for about 2-3 days MAXIMUM ! and well then hum-drum takes over

Isn’t there an ever inspiring stimulus which just keeps inspiring day in and day out? Like a cup of coffee (a cup of chai in my case) in the morning, the one that gives you a kick and jolts you out of your humdi-dumdi existence.

What is it that gets these “great” people going? Take Azim Premji for instance, the Wipro guy. He took over leadership of Wipro at 21 and transformed a USD 2 million company from a hydrogenated cooking fat company to a USD 1.76 billion IT services organisation serving customers across the globe.

What about Bill Gates? Steve Jobs? Were they born with it? Or was it their surroundings, that somehow moulded them into who they are now.

So with that logic now that i am already moulded into a slob queen, who lives for chocolates and occasionally watches TV, the other time she reads and fritters away time with her family/ friends and other random people, is extremely moody and commitment phobic, an occasional liar and a huge foodie.

So am i doomed for mediocrity? Or do i have to learn to look at the brighter side?

Or hell do i just have to get off my lazy ass and start doing something about this pathetic state of existence??!!!

Hmmmm well … where is that damn remote and my box of chocolate!!!! I need it ASAP!

My sweet country as always doesn’t fail to baffle and amuse me. This time around also as i had earlier (in my “Two men on a scooter and a TV” post), i salute the enterprising spirit of the Indian people. Three cheers for the Indian people ! hip hip Jai Ganesh (3) ! wah kya bat hai !

So like the unsuspecting soul that i am, i was sitting in front of the TV and nonchalantly flipping channels by the second. Disgusted by the sheer waste of useless options available on TV. I mean there was absolutely nothing to watch. Zilch ! Nada … all crap !

So i come across this channel called India TV (should we take names ?? ) and they have this breaking news ! and its huge ! Oh my god !! the TV reporter is gushing about how this is the news of the moment and how its unbelievable ! This astounding discovery and blah blah blah

The great breaking news is that Ganesh ji the great Indian God (no offence intended to anyone here) is taking calls now. All you need to do is call up the almighty Lord Ganesha, obviously (!!) on his mobile phone and talk your prayers away.

Now you must be saying Oh come on !! that can’t be ! And questions like so i now need not really take a bath before visiting a temple cause i can be in bed and all i need to do is just call up Lord Ganeshji and say my prayers and be off to another snooze… would be racing through your minds

Also all the incompetent nincompoops, who were earlier dragged to the temple to say their prayers can now just call up and get the task done and over with. And ofcourse more …

So how does this absolutely revolutionary concept work?

The temple, that boasts of this cutting edge idea is in Indore (Madhya Pradesh, India) where you can avail of this prayer-call-in service where you can just call Lord Ganeshji and get talking ! The the pundit of the temple has about 5-6 mobile phones, that were ringing away constantly. As the devotees call, punditji takes the call and dutifully puts it on the ear of the idol of our almighty Lord Ganesha.

People then rattle off their prayers while our lord almighty listens and listens with that sombre expression that he is famous for. One lady called up and rattled away how her husband is having an affair and blah blah and Lord almighty should do something about it. Another one wanted a better job.

That is exactly when i switched off the TV and went back to my snoozing.

But i did take some pictures as proof !! hehahaha ha

Mind-boggling?

Its India babeyh!!!

I salute you oh great country !!!

Recently I have been experiencing a phenomenon that defies all other phenomenons, it’s that kind of a happening that will not only boggle you but also leave you exasperated and wondering as to - that happens? And continuously asking yourself - Is it feasible? What about long term? Are you kidding me? What (!!) Are you serious?

And various other questions … yes I am talking about “Arranged Marriages”

So here I am all of 23, an Indian girl, the very right age to be married off/ packed off to a suitable boy. This situation heightened by the fact that all around me people are getting married and about 90% of them are in my age group i.e. 20 - 25

This is obviously alarming for my very traditional parents, who follow a date line for everything and they are frantically scanning their social radar for a right match for their darling daughter

And top it all! An exasperating example is staring right at my face and also a grim prelude for what might happen if I let things be

A cousin of mine is going to be married this November; she is 24 and has met the guy about three times :O. All of three times !! and that too in the company of their respective mum and dad and I think the most that they have talked is - hi, how are you? These clothes look good on you … and exchanged some other pleasantries.

And now my cousin will marry him and live with him (the guy picked off a matrimonial site, spoken with about three times) for rest of her existence

It’s all good! I mean there is absolutely no confusion about - will we get along, are we compatible, what are your likes and dislikes, will the parents agree to the match and are we attracted physically? Etc etc

You are not given an option that this might work or not! It just has to work, you have to make it work, you like it or not, you have to live with it, whatever the case is.

And I think it kind off suits our Indian mentality, to take solace in our mummy’s pallu (or in her arms) or our dad’s all imposing, all knowing figure

We are taking the safe route out, banishing all possibilities of trodding the untrodden path and accepting whatever is thrown our way.

In a way I feel we accept defeat, cause we are too weak to take a stand, to fight our parents, to open our selves to faults, to take a step which might lead to a bit of a failure and to make our own decisions.

We want it all safe. We want the whole package and we want it with approval. We are lazy and absolutely big hypocrites. And we can’t make up our pathetic minds. And we are shit scared to ruffle a few feathers.

It enrages me, cause I know nobody will make me marry anyone and when my time comes, I will make sure I marry the guy I love not marry and then fall in love.

And what is that - marry and fall in love??!! Like hello (!!) it won’t be love you smart asses it will be - getting used to a person … and how pathetic is that!!

Well congratulations dear cousin you have just accepted defeat and all you can do from now is compromise and then compromise a bit more. God bless you and your hubby to be.

Had a talk with my sister in the loo, we both were fighting for a dekho in the mirror. It was obviously me who was dominating the space, with me in it like 80% and the poor little sweetie was pushed in the rest of the 20% and decreasing (!). I was overtaking the whole mirror (Hehahaha hehahaha)

So anyway she starts of with accusation number 1. That I have dominated her all of our childhood!
So here I am fighting for space and total annihilation of her space, sweet victory and conquer of the mirror that is rightfully mine (everything is) and she starts of with this rambling about how I have scared her for life!

And there is more - Accusation number 2. I have always eaten her chocolates
And there were some more mumbling and whining and blah blah

So here goes my defense - my side of the story!! – I am cleaning up the closet elder sister, lets see if you can handle it –

So lets look at accusation number 2, eat all her chocolates, the Swiss ones, the Indian made, the non chocolates (goodies basically)  – chatpat, daddy chips (hell I used to love em!), maggi and few other thousands of yummy eatables.

Ya I used to eat them, dear elder sister because I truly believed, such as ….
Damn I am stalling for time here, there has to be a good enough, convincing reason.

Well if you recall we used to have these - lets divide all the chocolates and then hide them; … as really you can not trust anyone in your own household, … I mean come on you are talking about chocolates here, who can you trust but yourself with these absolutely yummy, mouth watering chocolates (obviously it was one of my masterminds) (hehahaha hehahaha) (my evil laughter resounding in the background – if you still haven’t figured it out!!)

So my strategy was, a fairly simple one – eat your own share and find the rest
So I used to eat all my chocolates, yum yum, (ya that explains the 10 extra kilos that I have grown up with) and then keep an eye on my angel of a sister, who used to very sweetly and unsuspectingly keep her share of the chocolates in the fridge (!! Where else can you keep them in the Delhi heat), and try to conceal them behind the patta gobhi and lauki and some other green veggies

And me like the complete brat that I am, I used to go and get her chocolates, keep them close to my chest, walk in to the room where she is sitting reading a book (poor unsuspecting soul), and proclaim – Jo dhondta wo leta !!! (Finder keepers) hehahahaha hehahahaha evil laughter in the background mixed with a bit of glee (hehe)

And then used to follow this insanely crazed out wrestling match that you can ever imagine, with me pulling her hair, and she pulling my chaddi, and me puling her hair and she pulling my leg, arm, tummy, etc and then me pulling her chaddi etc etc
Which used to go on for as long as possible

And of course I used to start crying and cry and cry and cry and my little angelic, naïve sister used to walk away in disgust, while I (the true evil one), used to happily munch on the war goodies.

Ya so that is my defense elder sister - the honest truth!
I fought for them chocolates, they didn’t come easy to me, they were hard earned goodies, and I told you and eat them (just about 20% of the time), but I told you anyways and hey you walked away in disgust, come on its all your fault here, you gave up.

Also in my own way I was teaching you, the lessons of life, that you have to fight for your goodies, when you grow up … okay so maybe you didn’t get to eat the chocolates, but hey you came prepared in this bad, bad, bad, cruel world (all thanks to me)

It was these important lessons of life that you learnt, like - fight till the end, never give up, deal with the evil souls in the world, who will take undue advantage of your angelic naïve existent and other more prolific lessons.

Don’t accuse me sista! Thank me!

Chocolates will do. You’re welcome. Get milky bar if you can get that.

A picture can say a thousand things. This one i took early morning going to to my office. Ex office (sounds good).

I was sitting comfortably in my car, enjoying the early morning AC, looking at the other cars without AC and smirking away, at the unfortunate souls, who had to bare the searing Delhi heat. A typical snob mentality that i have been born with !(pathetic I KNOW!)

So anyway while i am enjoying the view, here comes this guy on a scooter with his very uncomfortable son, in the back seat. And you say why uncomfortable? Well for the simple reason there is a huge (!!!) TV seperating the two.

Now we are talking a scooter, a two wheeler, a vehicle for two, made for transporting two people and not for a full size TV!

It is capable of seating two people but that is about it. But as Indians we can really come up with multiple uses of things. So a two wheeler becomes not only a transport for two but also a great TV transport!!

Talk about going green !! You are not only saving the extra fuel that will add on to your carbon print, but you are also saving up on plastic by not using the packaging.

The developed countries really need to learn from this! This is going green really at its core. Forget the fancy - Dont use botteled water and dont use air travel often, use car pool, recycle your tea bags, printing paper, use Blackel and not Google and others.

I am in awe of this father son duo! They are at the forefront of Going Green Revolution and i salute their spirits!  

I am sure the only saving grace for the boy is all the cartoons that he can watch.

God bless INDIA!

PS - I hope the journey was short (by the look of the son, doesnt look like he is enjoying it)

You are not worth my time, energy and craziness.

Is there more to it? Cause I am seriously bored now ~

You are irritating the hell out of me.

I don’t like alcohol; I am more of a butterscotch-shake person.

It’s either my point of view or just another bad idea that will die into oblivion.

Yaaaa, I have changed … …  gained about thirty kilos

Why is the driver taking thirty years to come?

All men are bastards and the ones that are not are just horny bastards.

Love is just a momentarily lapse of reasoning. (Have i read that somewhere??)

Tez chalao bhai. (Drive fast brother)

What fucking nonsense are you talking about?

Everything is fucking nonsensical.

Is it me or the whole world? Cant be me, cause I know iam awesome.

Take me as I am, that includes the 30 kg overweight that I carry with me all the time.

Is life going to pass me by? Damn it already is

Save me lord, from this boredom, fatness and sheer lack of excitement.

I came across this idea while watching an episode of Scrubs on Star TV. This is the episode about JD and the Tasty coma wife TCW.

In this episode JD starts to date a woman (TCW) whose husband is in coma for the past two years, when the episode is nearing the end JD goes on to say something on the lines of we are not made to be single and all the rest of you (You being all his pals) are very lucky to have found your special someone and blah blah… and I was like hell yes, we are not!

And as I thought about it more and more it struck me that, truly we were not supposed to be single.  
I believe that we are made to share.

Our existence is about sharing, about learning as we share, about teaching as we share and about doing something new as we share.
And for us to share it is essential to have another entity to share it with. You are free to choose that entity as you please. Can be the same gender entity or not.

But again I am not referring here about the platonic relationships that we share with other people. I mean the non-platonic kinds as it is very important to have that level of intimacy. It’s when you have that level of intimacy then only you open up at the level which is desired to start sharing and not just sharing but really sharing!

And what do we share? We share feelings, day to day happenings, we share the once in a while feeling that we get or we share our bits of secrets that we hold so close to ourselves, we share those magic moments that take our breath away and we share the things that cause us to completely change our way of thinking.

Looking at it from the spiritual aspect - Do we share bodies? Do we share more than feelings? Can’t be as inane as just sharing feelings, has to be a lot deeper that that!

And if this sharing is coupled with an equal amount of sharing from the other side, we have a learning process. Now you might ask why do we need a learning process? Again I truly believe ( I am using that phrase too much ! ) well I do !, (damn i hope i am not sounding like the girl from South Carolina :D)

So here goes … that there is a level that we need to reach, a kind of a benchmark that has been laid down for us, as mankind. Not as individuals but as humanity as a whole. Not communities, not races, or genders or age groups, it’s a level that we need to reach as everyone.

Each and every soul in the world. Might sound a little far fetched, but until and unless we reach that level our development as people, as a race, hinges on being a disaster. To succeed as a race, as humankind we need to reach that benchmark.

And I am not sure if this level will be reached by everyone or when, cause it can be just a handful of us left in this world who are then able to achieve this. But the fact remains that there is a certain kind of level that has to be achieved I don’t mean that this level is going to be a neutral phase where everyone thinks alike, does alike and is basically one (in all terms of thinking, doing, etc)

This stage that we are to reach is going to be thriving with different ideas, different ways of doing, different thoughts, processes, religions, gods but the thing that shall bind everyone here is going to be that underlying basic mechanism that will be critical for our development.   And what exactly is going to be that common thread? (More on this later)