comfortably(?) numb

For a while i have been comfortably numb.

Taking in everything that comes my way, with a smile.

I have let the course of my life be directed by the decisions made by others and not get angry not get pissed off if things didn’t go my way and not be disappointed when I didn’t get what i want.

This is the stage when you know that you want more, but you rather not as the fine balance that has been created will break and wont get back to its initial stage.

But does it have to break? to grow? am i hindering it? Should i just let go? Should i just do what i want? or should i just be in the comfortably numb stage as long as i can? should i “break free”? But break free and then what? Do i need another option to let go of this one? 

Should i keep concentrating on the things that i feel are important and just move with the flow??

Am I waiting for Divine intervention AGAIN?!

I feel its drink time … and more than one will do.

Those three words that matter ~

It was around 6:30 in the morning, husband and me in the bed taking in the view from the window.

Sun just peeking in from behind the clouds, birds chirping and the slight winter chill in the morning that makes you want to snuggle in a bit more.

Yes i had a bus to catch, he had to drive to office and of course it was still mid week … with no escape.

He snuggled closer … I did too … warm embrace.. no inclination to leave … time ticked by …

That’s when husband jostled me out of my senses saying ” I love you” (the three words… oh god!! …)

… my right eye brow went up …. “Oh yeah? What did you say?”

The filmy guy that he is … he said … those three words that every girl wants to hear in the morning…

I thought for a moment … I asked did you just say … “You want coffee?” With as much as a straight face that I could muster…

Am i a complete party pooper or what?

Couldn’t help bursting out it giggles though ….

Oops I am doing it again

Okay so I had sworn off men … after a confused debacle that had happened about a year back

And now Mr I-will-woo-you is out there to make sure that I am back in the groove again

For some reason I am too afraid (?????) to let go of my - I am single/ miserable on weekends /nobody loves me / etc etc state of mind  – and just go with the flow

(Why why)

I think I have few wage reasons -

It maybe the eager beaver mentality that Mr I-will-woo-you has …

or maybe his way of complementing me after a conversation – ” You are amazing!”

lol … where is that coming from ? really ! … it was a 5 minute conversation

Or maybe its his - I will drop you home as I will be meeting my cousins who live about 5 mins from your house …. and in the same breath … so where do you live again?

lol …

Or :O maybe i am still stuck on Mr Blabber-Mouth (Also The X )

Or maybe I have better things to do than start dating again …

Or maybe I AM getting old

Maybe I AM a 45 year old in a body of a 24 year old

Damn it …

Time will tell if Mr I-will-woo-you will be Mr I-wooed-her